The Music That Made Me, Me

A dear friend of mine asked me recently which artists/musicians inspire me. Music certainly shaped who I was and who I am now. I feel like I have so many favorites, for so many different reasons. Shall we start at the very beginning?

Elementary school years ('82 - '89)

Yes, I was old to enough to be obsessed with music in elementary school. As a true child of the 1980's, my tastes in this period reflect that.

-Madonna (duh!)

-Michael Jackson (Bad, Thriller)

-Cyndi Lauper

-Aha (Take on Me - first video on MTV, evah!)

-Wham

-Whitney Houston

-"Sunglasses at Night" - by Corey Hart? He was so cute. That was usually a given. 

-The Bangles (my first ever concert)

-"Tainted Love" by Soft Cell 

-Huey Lewis and The News (I really can't explain this one. I even had posters of them on my walls!)

-Tears for Fears

-Debbie Gibson

-Tiffany

-Paula Abdul

**Most of this music I remember having the albums or taping the songs off the radio. My, how far we have come. 

Junior High years ('89-'91) (real obsession begins)

-U2 (can I make this any bigger - SO SO in love with them during this time)

-Depeche Mode (can I make this any bigger - SO SO in love with them during this time)

-The Cure (can I make this any bigger - SO SO in love with them during this time)

-New Order

-New Kids on the Block (only in 7th grade, but that Joey, what a hottie!)

-George Michael (again, he was hot back then)

I didn't really listen to popular music during this time in my life, with the exception of the NKOTB. My music tastes evolved into lyric obsession and how the music made me feel. Music was my outlet to express myself. It seems like most of the stuff I liked was rather depressing. Pretty fitting for a middle schooler, eh?

High School ('91-'95) and college ('95-'00) (I mostly can't separate these from one another - it all blends)

-Morrissey

-The Smiths

-INXS

-U2

-Depeche Mode

-The Cure (great make out music, I'm just saying)

-Nirvana

-Pearl Jam

-Green Day

-Radiohead

-Smashing Pumpkins 

-Dave Matthews Band

-Red Hot Chili Peppers

-Alanis Morissette

-Sheryl Crow

-Garbage

-Pink

-Sublime

-No Doubt

-Pixies

-Social Distortion

-Lifehouse

-3 Doors Down

-Blink 182

-The Offspring

-Weezer

-Bad Religion

-311

-Incubus

-Britney Spears

-Backstreet Boys

-Christina Aguilera

-The Spice Girls

-Missy Elliot

-JayZ

-Dixie Chicks

-Tim McGraw

2000's

-Mumford and Sons

-Coldplay

-Head and the Heart

-The Lumineers

-bunch of Indie artists nobody knows

I could seriously work on this list a little more. Once I had kids, my disposable income was spent on them and no longer could feed concerts, CD's, etc. 

All of these artists helped me through some great times, horrible times, and everything in between. Mostly heartache and hope for new love to come. I could write a novel about the songs and stories that accompany them, but that's a story for a different time. 

I have been thinking, quite a bit lately, about my beliefs in my particular religion. I am definitely the kind of person who has a questioning heart and needs to research until I am left even more confused. I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It is all about LOVE - loving yourself, your family, your friends, your neighbors, and complete, total strangers. My problem is that people mess it up for me, like obliterate it into something that I don't even recognize anymore. It is one of the main reasons that I decided not to go to church for about 10 years of my life. Since I am nearing 40, I think that I am in a better place mentally. I know that I need to focus on my own relationship with my Savior, and not rely on the cultural aspects of church membership. I know, how idealistic of me!

A great family friend recently called me a hippie. I did not take offense to this because I understand why she did it, and it was actually a compliment. I had been lamenting about this terrible political situation in the United States, and said that we needed to stop pointing fingers and just love one another. There is certainly a lack of love in this world. I had a conversation with a manager at Walmart a few weeks ago. He and I are completely different people, but we both feel so strongly that this world lacks love. If two total strangers from different walks of life and cultures can come to that conclusion, then why can't everyone else?

My heart is sad. Overburdened. I try so hard to look towards the light, but for a realist like myself, it can be difficult to maintain that peppy, optimistic outlook. I'm mostly living in the moment, from one moment to the next. And honestly, that is okay, but it is also NOT okay. I have become complacent. Stuck, if you will. I have zero goals. I am doing the best I can, which is me barely hanging on. I finally think that the haze is lifting a bit and that I am ready to move forward - to renew my resolve to self actualization and continual learning.

I realize the world will never be perfect. People mess it up. I get that. I want to think that we can make the difference one small thing at a time. I am going to show more love and less cynicism.

I recently returned from my church's summer camp for girls ages 12-18. I served the entire week as a cook. The experience taught me that doing something for other people, especially something so hard (it was HARD WORK), really is a quiet sort of reward. Not too many people understand the magnitude of what you just did and they don't see the blisters, or aching bodies that go into service. I guess my younger self would have wanted so much recognition for that, but being the older, wiser me, I can step back and appreciate that I helped to make that camp experience for those girls amazing. They are so loved. I know that I am loved by my Heavenly Mother and Father so much and that they appreciate the sacrifices made to help those girls draw closer to the Savior.

I did actually get some more out of camp than I thought that I would. I worked with some wonderful women who helped me talk openly about my doubts (mostly about the church and certain things that upset me). I know that these women love me so much. They got home from camp and researched answers to questions that I had, just to help me have a greater knowledge. I am really so very lucky, but at the same time, I know that those answers, questions, and conversations were placed in this experience to help me progress. Truth is that I have been stuck, for quite some time, and have really thought about abandoning my faith.

I am hoping to write more, read more, and learn more in the coming weeks, months, years, so that I can look back to this blog post and see how far I have come.

Welcome to my first blog post! Have you ever felt that you have a million things to say, but not enough characters in which to say them? I have a constant need for authentic conversation. I hope that this blog can be the answer and also satiate my need. 

So, who is this melken person, anyway? Well, I'm glad you want to know. Melken is a play on my first and last name (Melissa Kennedy). I like the way it rolls off the tongue. I am more than just a nickname, though. I am a daughter, wife, sister, mother and I juggle a full time job outside of the home.

Many things are important to me, but here's the highlight reel. I am a person of faith (LDS), a feminist (yes, LDS feminists do exist), and I am passionate about harmony and diversity. I also love sports, struggle with health issues, an avid reader, researcher and love to eat and make food.

What you can expect from this blog is, well, whatever I want to discuss. Isn't that why people start blogs? Most of the time it's fueled by something going on in one of my realms of existence. This will be a safe place for me to express myself, work through tough challenges and also sharpen my writing skills.

I truly hope you enjoy reading this blog! Feel free to contact me if you ever have a suggestion for content. 

-melken